Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Night I Became A Vampire

Prologue: I wrote this my first year in college as a free writing assignment. I was accused of plagiarizing it by my professor. My honesty was insulted, however, it was a bit encouraging for the writer in me. The written text has not been altered or changed since that day I turned it in, October 5th, 2003. Here it is, in it's entirety.



05 Oct 03

The Night I Became a Vampire

It was not yet three years after we lost the colonies in the Americas. The majority of what my father had left me was invested in a Virginia plantation, though I had never left England. During the Rebellion, I lost it all. It was burned to the ground. My English home, just outside Thurnham, was but a day’s ride from Lancaster. It sat atop a lush rolling hill, overlooking a small cemetery two miles or so in the distance. The cemetery was ancient, becoming more visible each day as the leaves fell off the trees surrounding it. Some members of the Lancaster Royal Family lay here, cold and stale. My father was buried here on the first day of 1774.

I sat in a courtroom all day, defending a client accused of stealing chickens. I knew he had done it, he’d told me so. The judge wasn’t very sympathetic of him. I remember the way he gazed at me from under his white wig. The great arbitrator was searching, as I was, for the answer as to why I went on. More than thirty years had passed since the departure of my loving parents, whom he knew. They didn’t live to see me marry, or their grandchildren born. I shed a tear for them every day.

On my ride home that evening, a deep fog filled the air around me. I trusted my horse knew the way, and thought nothing of the road out of town. I couldn’t keep at bay the thought of the coming season. I wondered if I would have enough firewood to last winter. I imagined that things could be worse, but I couldn’t visualize how. Alice and I just added another hungry mouth to the family. Martha was almost five months now, as old as Robert when we lost him. She had begun eating solid food. Our other six kids were very thin. We have very little income since losing the plantation, and bread was scarce. I knew Alice would cry once she heard I lost another case.

I could look no further than my horse’s ears. I pat him, and his ears perked just as I told him he was a good horse. Just then, the fog cleared some. Contradictory to my previous remark, I realized that we were in the middle of the cemetery. I pulled at the moist reins. We had gone at least a few miles out of the way, I figured. When my eyes began to search around, they almost immediately locked on a headstone reading ROBERT CLARKE, 1686 – 1743. Shocked as I was, I didn’t move. I just stared, gazing into each letter of my father’s name. Nearly twenty years have gone by since I laid my eyes on this very stone, the layers of green moss indicating that I may have been the last person to wipe it clean. My mother lie next to him.

My horse began to breathe more noticeably, kicking his hoof. He didn’t like it here. The atmosphere denoted his nervousness, making me feel a bit uncanny as dusk neared. I thought I heard the gravel churn a short distance away. Startled, I immediately turned my body to face my back left side. My eyes scanned the area, detecting nothing. I let down my guard, sighing with relief. I could smell pleasing the scent of the freshly fallen leaves in the air. I took one last glance at my parents’ graves, touched my chest four times and perked my back up straight. It was time I got home. Just as I squeezed my thighs, I heard six footsteps right ahead of me. They were very close together, something was running. At me. Straight at me. I froze with fear, a cold chill running down my spine. With my eyes popping out of my head, they stopped, ten or twelve feet in front of me. My jaw dropped, and just as it did, something grabbed me right off my horse. I thought it was a man. It was him running at me, and jumping at me. He wrapped but one arm around me when he hit me, and I joined him in flying through the air. And in landing on the ground, right against a sarcophagus. We nearly knocked the lid from it, remembering nothing thereafter for I was knocked unconscious…

Copyright 2007, Joseph R. Holod. You may link to this copy of the work, all other rights reserved.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

eBay is a great thing... for Scam Artists

I need to do a little venting. I've been trying to sell a laptop on eBay now. It just got relisted for the second time tonight.

First things first. eBay is a wonderful thing. It drew thousands of people to the internet whom would otherwise never touch a computer. It has transformed modern-day economics the way the internet eventually would. Let's face it, without eBay, buying and selling things on the internet would be very difficult. eBay has made virtual storeplaces something that anyone can do, whereas without eBay, PayPal and their clones, even an above average computer user/business person would have many discouraging hurdles in the way.

My problem with eBay is that right now, there are hundreds and possibly thousands of scam artists on there. I never even realized it, until last week. In the item description of the laptop I'm selling, I very specifically state that there is NO international shipping. 50 states only. I included the 'Buy It Now' option in there so that maybe I could make some extra bucks off someone who wants the thing in a quick hurry - half the reason the option even exists! A couple days after I list the item, I get some emails from this goon. It says, "Hi, I'm blah blah. I live in the UK but I'm in France on business right now. I bought this laptop for my Grandson in Nigeria. Would you ship it to him?"

Being naive, I said sure. As soon as I receive payment. Shipping will be this much extra. The next day I got this email from PayPal saying that I received payment from this goon, and here's the mailing address. Looked fishy, so I logged into PayPal (something everyone should do to check, even if you sold a $5 pair of sunglasses to your best friend). Didn't say anything about that payment whatsoever.

Here's what they do: They send you an email from PayPal (not even from a real paypal address). It says , "Hi. This is paypal. We're holding funds for this goon. As soon as you send us (paypal) the tracking information for this item, you'll get the funds." As far as I know, paypal doesn't even DO that.

So, that's a roadblock to be selling this item. I really need the money from it, like, last month. I relisted the Item, and the same thing happened. AGAIN. This time, instead of a brand new eBay user, it was from someone who had a rating of 40 or so, and they had 100% feedback. Their profile said they were in the US. The feedback comments for the user went back to 2002. So what I basically think happened, is, some goon from wherever hijacked this person's eBay account. Is that terrible, or what? A person who worked real hard to keep a 100% feedback rating, and some foreign phisher hacker jerk decides to exploit it.

eBay sellers beware. Be sure to use the 'Block Users...' options to protect yourself. If you receive any emails from eBay or PayPal then make sure that you open your browser, type in ebay.com, and paypal.com, and check things for yourselves. Also, maybe not including a 'Buy It Now' option could help as well.

eBay, you need to do something about this.


So I relisted the item a 2nd time, and found that you can block buyers not from places you ship. Clicked that on! I also removed the Buy It Now option.

Trying to sell this item coast me $22 the first time and $22 the second time. I owe eBay money because they think I actually sold the item and received payment for it.